Vote One and get 5 free
Fishel Brownstein presents the lineup of his team when (not if) he is elected (or if Rabbi Rosenberg changes his mind and just lets me in because so demanded Poltorak. Rabbi Rosenberg, are you really ready to stand up to Poltorak, who with my help finished off Rubashkin, Lang, Plotkin, Rabbis Zirkind, Segal & Reitport plus Rav Osdoba and his 3 sons, is it it worth risking it all just so Katzman is happy? You have till 6pm to give me your final answer.
Yanky Herzog: First line of defense.
Yanky is great at sniffing out the enemy. If you have evil thoughts about Fishel (or anything that he represents, or anyone that he represents) Yanky will smell it a mile away (regardless of whether it’s true or just imaginative) and he will make sure that you know that he knows and that now you both know. Yanky will make sure to alert all the necessary powers to be, of your evil thoughts.
Yitzchock Holzman: Great inventor. He will make up any story and testify to its accuracy. He’ll get it tailor made to fit the crime. His specialty is being an escort and in that way he can get close enough to look over your shoulder and the job is done. And don’t forget, he’s also Harav Hagaon.
Chanina Sperlin: Best connections. That’s why he has the most pictures of anyone with all kinds of politicians. They all know that with a good photo-up they can get rid of him for a free lunch or a good juicy fatty steak in a fancy restaurant (guaranteed no CHK Hechsher), no sweat. Oh, and lets not forget, Eli Slavin owes him his job. Oops, there are about another 3 guys who got jobs thanks to Chanina over the last 10 years.
Eli Poltorak: A super doper lawyer that stops at anything to further his agenda. If he thinks that Krinsky is on top, he’ll run with him, and then when he figures out that Groner is next in line, he’ll run with him. Then today it’s Rav Osdoba (and I’ll delete all the adjectives that he employed about Rav Schwei) and the next day it’s Rabbi Schwei. But most importantly he’ll lock up anybody and everybody that doesn’t dance to his tune.
Mendy Hendel: King of Lubavitch. Head of the worldwide MERKOS of Lubavitch. The one and only knower of what people REALLY want since they are too confused to say what they really want; he’ll say it for them. Just let him take over. He’s ready to fill-in as a standby homeless shelter for the Tzfati brigade so he can collect all the grants which are destined for CH destitute families. No locksmiths are necessary within a million mile radius of his reach. Midnight break-ins our specialty. The list is too long to publish, just trust us, Fishel is my man, even when he doesn’t run he still runs if I so command.
Rabbi Mangel: My Mashpia and Rav. I’ll keep Rav Osdoba in check in consultation with Rabbi Mangel (at least I can blame him, since everybody knows that I Daven in his Shul and I seek his counsel all the time). I have no idea what (or if) Rabbi Mangel was against Rav Osdoba but I know that he means well and I must obey his wishes that are in concert with the Russian Gezhe Zkeinim. Ah, do I feel proud to be welcomed by these holy Russian men, the REAL Lubavitchers.
Rabbi Paltiel: My mentor in Ahavas Yisroel, he did me well in showing all the fools who voted for Zaki Tamir how low they can sink if they don’t elect me and my fellow Mossrim.
Never mind, I said get 5 free, who cares, so you’ll vote one and get 7 free.
Vote Fishel, Get Seven.
Related: Who will you vote for? <1bigcholent